Category Archives: Anxiety

Shelter in Place Productivity

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Shelter in Place Productivity
Do You Feel Pressure to be Productive?

Under the Shelter in Place Order, do you feel pressure to be productive?

I read an interesting article in the New York Times last week regarding productivity. Most Americans believe in the ethos of being productive during each of their days, and this time is no different. You may be working from home, but with no commute time and orders to stay in round the clock, there is more time in our lives to be productive. Yet, this article challenges the idea of productivity and asks Americans to stop trying to be productive.

I will admit, I have heard many stories of self-condemnation during this time from people wishing they were getting up earlier, working on their creative projects more, learning a new hobby, exercising more, cooking up gourmet food, and more. The idea of sleeping in, watching TV, reading for pleasure, napping, and/or doing absolutely nothing is not something people are aspiring to right now, but perhaps we should be.

Must this “shelter in place” time be one where we find new ways to criticize ourselves by not meeting American productivity standards? It is important during this time where we have been grounded in our homes to give credence to this strange situation. Just living under our circumstances is taking more energy and time. No it is not time that is producing anything, but it does take energy. This may be why we are sleeping more or a little slow during our days or can’t get as much done as we would like.

We are also challenged to be communicating with others constantly through technology. Although it is wonderful to live in this age with technology at our fingertips, it is tiring to be meeting others over the screen. It is not the easiest to begin with and then to have to go through meeting after meeting – both personal and professional – via the computer, it tires us in ways we are not tracking, but just assuming that it is the same as before.

The many ways our lives have changed is taking more time to process and live into each day. Before you lay on yourself productivity goals, perhaps check in and see what has changed and how you may be caring for yourself during these times. Most likely, these ways will not be about productivity, but rather slowing down and doing less. Being able to turn down the volume on our productivity is a gift we can give ourselves, especially if we can drop the judgement that we aren’t doing enough.

You are enough and are doing enough in this moment. There is a wonderful argument to be made for not being productive at this moment in time. Take up this challenge and do less and take good care.

Money Anxiety

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Money Anxiety with Girl and her Bills

Money anxiety! Is it ever real these days. Not only are we in a pandemic dealing with a huge health crisis, but also one that has lead to economic insecurity for a majority of Americans. I don’t think I can ever remember a time in US history since I have been alive where people en mass lose their jobs in an instant. That’s right — one minute people are working for business serving the needs of people in society, the next an order has come down that closes all business for no set time frame.

The message — Go home until the virus recedes. Now, not only do we have to worry about our health and that of our family and friends, but also how we will survive and pay our bills. Some relief is on the way after weeks of negotiation at the federal level, but it’s one-time check without a lot of certainty of when this will end. It will no doubt help, but it’s not the complete answer to our money anxiety.

Most people have a pile of bills to pay – not only rent, utilities, and food, but also many other expenses that may include school and child care, insurance, and many other everyday expenses to keep life moving along on time and paid in full. For most Americans, all of these expenses are paid out of what we earn. If we aren’t earning there is no money to be able to pay our obligations. Further, most Americans have no extra money to save for times like these. We are a nation of people who live paycheck to paycheck. Many are living close to the edge of their money budget even when things hum along.

Bring along a pandemic that closes all business for weeks with no end in sight and people’s money anxiety takes hold in a way that almost feels like strangulation. Now what?

Well, the first thing to remember is you are not alone. Almost everyone is in the same boat. Often when we don’t have enough money to meet our bills and obligations, we feel shame with the thought that everyone else can manage well, but us. Such thoughts can be dropped when we feel we are in good company with the majority of society. We are not alone.

Next, in order to calm anxiety, particularly around money, it is important to sit down and look at one’s budget. That’s right. Many people don’t even know how much money they have and where it is going. Now is the time time get out pencil and paper and track one’s spending to see where it is all going. During this time, much of the way you spend money may no longer be relevant. Eating out, movies and other entertainment is closed off to all of us. That is money that you will no longer spend.

Track what you will still need to spend to live – rent, utilities, and food. Those are the basics for now. How much money do you have to cover these categories? How much do you need? Once you have these questions answered, it is time to get on the phone to your creditors to see what you can work out as far as payments during this time without interest and penalties. This is the time to advocate for yourself.

Once you drop any shame over your money situation and have done all you can to cut expenses and negotiate with your creditors, it is time to bring a mindful approach to the situation. This will not last. A new day may dawn where things do not look exactly the same as before, but that time is not here yet. Grounding one’s self in the present moment and shoring up a sense of security in the now is what is required. Do you have all you need for today? It is important to not get too ahead of one’s self here. Be in the now and think about your money security in the present.

It is an acute time for money anxiety, Sharing your stories, recognizing you are not alone, taking stock of your budget, and taking action to reduce expenses and payments are all concrete steps you can take to ease your money anxiety. Further, practicing being in the moment will also help ease the concerns you have for tomorrow.

Missing Milestones

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Students may be missing milestones like dancing at Prom

It seems that this is going to be a year when high school and college students are going to be missing milestones in their lives. As an adult looking back, proms, senior year antics, and graduation ceremonies feel like distant memories that I do not attach much importance to. However, if I were to be a high school or college senior at this moment in time I would feel a whole lot of negative emotions thinking I was about to be robbed of all of the celebrations I have worked so hard for the past few years.

When I think back on that time in my life, around April through mid-June life revolves around so many fun activities that mark the end of a long journey even as we start to look forward to the next stage of our lives. During this pandemic, people are being forced to stay home and away from friends, any activities that have to do with groups of people are forbidden, and schools look to be out until September. I hear that most will have their degrees mailed to them. Goodbye and Good Luck without any pomp or circumstance.

This is tough!

If you are living with a high school senior or have a college senior back at home this spring, it is important for you to help them navigate this time that surely feels disappointing. As they are missing milestones, how can you help them navigate this disappointing time and mark it uniquely within your family? These are the questions of the moment.

First, allow your child to vent, be angry, express disappointment and anger at the entire situation. Invite these feelings and be present to them. What your young adult is feeling is real and being able to make space and validate these feelings is important. If you are having a difficult time empathizing, remember back to how you felt during these important moments. It may feel long ago and not so important, but at the time it was everything. Recalling your own experience at that time, may help you hold space for your children to vent without feeling the need to shut them down.

Second, don’t jump the gun and think all is lost. Perhaps all will be cancelled, perhaps it will all be postponed — most of us don’t know exactly what is going to happen. It is difficult to live with uncertainty and not be able to make any definitive plans for these celebrations. Rather, one has to just take it day-by-day and be in the moment. So difficult at this time.

Third, if the special events are called off, finding creative ways to celebrate may be called for not only by you, but the entire school community. Perhaps a virtual prom is held as well as a virtual graduation ceremony. I am not sure if these types of events are in the works, but perhaps you could call the school/ PTA or whomever to inquire as to how this end of school could be marked in community with one another without being physically close to one another. If nothing is going to take place via the school, perhaps your own community of friends and families can get together virtually and mark the occasion together. One thing, it will be unforgettable.

Finally, make sure that you, as a family, mark the occasion of graduation. Perhaps you delay the party until it is safe or simply have a family celebration with cake and well wishes and creative gifts. Perhaps you create a video to mark the day. Technology can very much be our friend during such a time. Make sure to make time and make it a big deal for your graduate!

All is not lost during this time that may bring your senior to missing milestones in their school career. However, by allowing space for them to share their feelings, looking into what can be done at a school/community level, and marking it personally will help make the occasions special this season. Hold on to what is important and make sure to not forget even as society battles this pandemic.