Is It Selfish to Want a Baby?

Is it selfish to want a baby
Does wanting a baby make you selfish?

Is it selfish to want a baby? I was recently asked this question and it surprised the heck out of me. As a childless woman by choice, my decision always had people judging me as selfish. I never understood the connection between wanting a baby and selfishness. However, I think I am alone on this one as it feels like a common judgment related to becoming a parent.

Whether you want a child or do not want a child, the judgment seems to be the same these days – you are selfish!

In regard to being selfish when one wants a baby, I hear this more and more around the issues of climate change and all the other “news” of the day that makes anyone want to pull out their hair. How can someone actively decide to bring a baby into this world when it is what it is today?

Biology — first and foremost. Humans are wired to reproduce. Although we are thinking mammals, we are mammals and we are here to leave our actual DNA behind. Although there are all of the modern dating apps and anguish over meeting the right mate, the whole point of it is as old as the hills. We are meant to find a mate and reproduce. Nothing selfish about our biological desire to have a baby.

Hopefulness — to desire to have a baby automatically makes you an optimist in my book. To have a child is to invest in the future and to believe it will be and can be good. There is faith that mankind will continue and in our evolution good will come to bear. I don’t see anything selfish in optimism.

Personal fulfillment — now this is where the decision to have a baby or not may be judged as selfish. I am not exactly sure when the judgment came about to call someone selfish when they are fulfilling their heart’s desire. Is it from the “other” who is not leading a life of personal fulfillment? I often think that those who are negative in their judgments of people are unhappy.

Regarding personal fulfillment, desiring a baby can be about fulfilling a deep well inside that seeks to procreate in order to experience not only wanting a baby, but having one and raising a child. The relationship between parent and child is one of the most significant that humans can experience. It is not selfish to want to be a parent to a child.

What can be said for the era we are living in? My guess is through all of the ages the world was in a challenging space in one way or another. That’s why it is not only important to hold on to one’s optimism, but also to think through how you will raise your child — aware of the climate change issues, modeling sustainable living practices, and being curious about the issues we are facing and helping our children to think about creative solutions — this is the next generation after all.

Wanting a baby and thinking you are selfish? Nah. Don’t take on such a judgment. Be aware of your intention and desire for a baby and move forward without such negativity.

Whether you choose to have a baby or not, selfishness is not the core of the issue. Never has been — if you are wondering why someone may or may not want a child, ask and listen. Be open. Be curious. Drop the judgment.

Creativity Burst: Flower Power

Flower Power
Here’s to Flower Power!

Are you enjoying the height of the summer flower season about now? If you just take a mere walk around your neighborhood in the Northern Hemisphere of the world, it seems like there are bursts of flower power color everywhere you look!

One of my favorite parts of summers is hanging baskets of petunias. Not only do I love the color these flowers offer my backyard, it is a season where I get to directly care for living flowers that are in full display this time of year.

From watering them morning and night to dead heading the flowers that have fizzled, I feel so very satisfied as I interact with my flowers. I know others have actually planted flowers and they are being rewarded this time of year. I know others who are buying flowers for themselves and loved ones and enjoying the beauty of arranged flowers.

Flowers do not last — even my pots are really only good for the short season — but how wonderful to be surrounded by their cheer even if only for a few weeks. I have been known to sing to my flowers — they seem to thrive even more when I do this. I also love to just sit amongst my flowers. Such cheer. They help take my mind to something creative, hopeful, and bright. Sometimes I journal beside my flowers — another way in to finding my muse.

How are flowers creative? Think and marvel on the fact of how they grow. The colors and shapes they take on. What images come to mind? What memories may a flower evoke for you? If your flower has scent, does it transport you somewhere? If so, where?

I hope on this perfect mid-summer — height of summer! — day you have some flowers surrounding you, making you happy, providing a creative a burst of color within and toward others.

Here’s to flower power!

Creativity Burst: A Four Leaf Clover Walk

A Four Leaf Clover Walk for St. Patrick's Day
May the Luck O’ the Irish Be With You

May the luck o’ the Irish be with you today! Celebrate with a Four Leaf Clover Walk.

Even if you aren’t Irish, this is the one day that we all feel a little Irish as we celebrate the day together. Traditionally, I think of this day as one where people gather in pubs for a green beer, kids eat green cupcakes, gold chocolate coins jingle in pockets, and we lookout for little leprechauns of luck. OK, maybe that last one is only in our dreams. Yet, it is a day to remember the Irish and to bring a little luck into one’s life.

Today’s holiday is a bit different given we are asked to not gather together. No school, no work, no meeting at the pub — however, we are encouraged to get out into nature, as long as we keep our distance from one another. In that light, today is a perfect day for a four leaf clover walk.

It takes us out into nature. If you have children at home, what better way to spend part of the school day with them today? Bundle up and head to a park. When you arrive, give them the guideline that you are the hunt for four leaf clovers. If they have not seen them before, show them a few examples on line before you head out.

Now, these are not always the easiest to find. So, expand the hunt and let them find any items in nature that look like a four leaf clover, are just green, or any other item that remind them of Ireland. Afterwards, when you gather together, it will be a great opportunity to share what was found and why they picked up the items they chose. It is an opportunity to get creative and use one’s imagination in nature using this lucky Irish day as inspiration.

When you arrive home, pull out heavy card stock, glue, and any other art supplies you may have on hand and let your children create a lucky collage for the day. Not only will you have gotten out on an excursion for the day, but also had a chance to be creative on this special day.

Even without kids, take your own lucky break in nature and let your mind wander as to what reminds you of the Irish on this day. Pick up a few things and place them on your desk – or anywhere else in your home – to remind you of the beauty of nature and your own imagination to connect a holiday to the natural world.

It’s a lucky day! Get out into nature and find some four leaf clovers today!

On the Brink of the Spring Season

Cherry Blossom Blooms about to burst in the spring season
Cherry Blossoms about to Burst Forth!

We are on the brink of the spring season. Or so I keep reminding myself!

I don’t know about you, but it has felt like a very long winter to me. Even February, which usually slips away before I even had time to appreciate her. Ugh! This year is different. I feel like winter has lasted forever and I am ready to see small hints that spring is on its way.

My mind is already drifting to tiny ways that I can bring Spring into my days — even three weeks before she actually arrives. How about you? Are you ready for the change of seasons? For longer days at night? For warmer temperatures? Have you noticed the birds are chirping once again in the early morning hours. Nature is cyclical and if we just take care of our Earth, she will reward us with magic as the seasons change.

Here are a few ideas as we all wait together for Spring to burst forth in full bloom:

  • Flowers! Purchase some and bring a burst of color forth in your home
  • Notice the blooms outside. Snap a picture. Some of these flowers are just so darn courageous!
  • Head to a baseball game.
  • Walk through some cool, crisp grass with your barefoot.
  • Listen to your favorite beach tunes – getting in the mood for summer.
  • Take a walk and observe yourself noticing nature coming alive.
  • Purchase a vegetable like asparagus, which is coming into season, and cook seasonally with your fresh produce
  • How about a spring sponge cake with homemade lemon whipped cream?
  • Go bird watching! They are back, mine as well watch them up close.
  • Light a candle that smells like spring to you.

Now is the time to get ready for the spring season All of these activities can help ease the transition from one season to another and ground yourself in nature. Do alone or share with some others. Whatever you choose, know that spring is about to burst forth and so are you!

Mid-Winter Flowers

Mid Winter Flowers

Yes! This bunch of flowers have been picked just for you!

It seems a little odd to think of fresh flowers during these deep, dark January days. Unless you have a Birthday or particular celebration, flowers are not very seasonal this time of year. Even at the famous Pike Place Market here in Seattle, most of our local flower farms are selling dried stems that have a beauty all their own, but do not hold the scent and look and feel of fresh ones.

However, this is probably the time of year when we need a bouquet the most. I know Valentine’s Day is around the corner and the flowers will be pricey and in demand, but the quiet, slow, deep winter days where no flowers are to be found let alone thought about feels like the perfect time to treat one’s self or to pick a few stems for a friend or even plant a bulb inside your warm home.

Something about the flowers and their beauty can brighten an otherwise mundane day and remind each of us that the days are lengthening and that spring is not far away.

If a bunch of real flowers are simply not possible, you can definitely create a bouquet in your visual journal. Clip out all the flowers you see in your magazines and make the most beautiful arrangement of flowers you have seen. This is a simple yet wonderful way to dwell in beauty as you use your creativity and intuitive sense of what you are naturally drawn too.

Overall, flowers are alive and can be present with us throughout the days and seasons. It may be an upside down idea to have flowers in January, but that’s what makes it precious!