Dear Therapist:

My Birthday is coming up and perhaps its the pandemic or other issues going on in society, but I don’t feel in the mood to celebrate — at all. I think I may have the Birthday blues. Any thoughts on how to get into the mood to celebrate and look forward to my new year?

Sincerely, Singing the Birthday Blues

Although it may feel strange to have a Birthday coming up and not be that excited for your day, it is more common than you may think — even without the pandemic and societal unrest. A Birthday comes around and it is supposed to be a time to celebrate big and be happy and often it can feel like a moment to look back and be disappointed in the past year or worry about the upcoming year. Finally, it can just be a reminder that you are another year older without much having changed in life.

Now, add in the pandemic and the social unrest and I certainly can see why you may be singing the Birthday Blues this year. And if that is how you feel, letting that be OK is key. Think of it as a gift you can give yourself this year. If you are not in the mood to celebrate your big day, that is fine. Let it be fine.

At the same time, others may still want to celebrate you. Feel free to let them know you aren’t feeling it too much this year, but allow people to celebrate you if they want to. Who knows? Although you may not feel in the mood to celebrate, someone bringing a cake and candles over may lighten your mood and cause a shift in your mood. Being open to this shift can be difficult when we are not in a celebratory mood, but holding space for a little something positive can prove beneficial as well.

The truth is Birthday Blues are real. Society and friends and family often ask us to push these feelings away as we are “supposed” to be happy on our Birthday, but letting it be OK to not be in a great mood, accepting it, remaining open to some surprises that may still arise, and moving on from your day without anticipation of the next one being bad are all ways to manage feeling a little depressed on your Birthday.

Although I hear you are not in the mood to celebrate, Happy Birthday to you!