Category Archives: Holidays

Holiday Gifting

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Holiday gifting. Does it bring you delight to see all the gifts under the tree or dread? Or would you love to see all the gifts if there wasn’t all the work and expense that had to be done to produce such a scene?

I was at a comedy show recently and the comedian was talking about her Mother announcing that they were cutting back on gifts and that everyone should do the same. How would you feel if someone said this in your family? Gifting is over! Of course, the comedian went on to say her Mother had ordered her a bunch of stuff and so actually the gifting was on — it just sounded good to say at the start of the season.

I get it — holiday gifting is a fundamental part of most Christmas traditions. People grew up with gifts and want to give and receive gifts as adults. To not have a pile feels — well — just wrong. However, I had the opportunity this particular holiday season to doe exactly that and not buy any gifts.

Well, I bought a few presents for people who I knew could use some holiday cheer. However, my annual list of “have to buy for these people no matter what” stopped. As I have been walking through the season it feels tremendously freeing to not have any gifts to have to buy as well as strange. How can I possibly walk through a department store and not buy bunches of stuff to give to people? It’s so much a part and parcel of who I am and how I celebrate the holidays. Well, it all feels odd.

Such an experiment is not for the faint of heart. I almost feel like I will be dreading Christmas morning with nothing to give or receive — and yet there are different things that I want this year that really can’t come wrapped in a box with a bow. Gifts of love, presence, kindness, opportunity, persistence, striving, and more that I want in my life more than any goods.

And that is what I am giving myself this year — as well as to my family and friends. It’s less expensive in some ways and more expensive in others. It’s me and my life that I am crafting that I seek to shape not in the direction of commercial goods, but into a direction of crafting a life I am happy to lead.

Maybe it’s too radical to ask you to join me this year, but perhaps something to hold in mind for next season. If the thought of not buying gifts for your loved ones gets you upset, defensive or afraid, it’s probably right where you need to be.

Here’s to gifting — gifts that can be seen and unseen. I’m in the latter category this year.

Gratitude

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Gratitude

Gratitude. It’s November. Tomorrow, we celebrate Thanksgiving Day in America. The idea of giving thanks is baked into our culture — along with the pies. Now is the time to count your blessings.

I remember a few decades ago — it must have been back in the 90s — when expressing gratitude and actually chronicling what you were grateful for in a formal journal could really aid in people feeling more satisfied with their daily lives. Also, it became a way to cultivate the mindset of looking for things to be grateful for in one’s life each and every day.

I’ll admit I drank the proverbial Kool Aid and bought that journal and for years — literally years — I wrote down five things I was grateful for each and every day. And, yes, it was a practice that had me looking and finding the good in each day. I filled reams of journals that could attest to the fact that I had a life that I should be grateful for.

I never thought I would get away from that perspective — and would keep it going all the days of my life. But, I think all of those gratitude journals set me up for living life with a certain bent toward being grateful in my life. I departed my town and went traveling and stepped away from all of the gratitude giving journaling, but I still kept the spirit alive in my heart and how I met life.

All this to say, gratitude, gratefulness, giving thanks is a spirit within not necessarily a practice that needs a gold star. If you are here reading my words, I am grateful you are here. It’s in the spirit of my writing right now. Let’s not forget, it’s not about the doing of writing down what we are grateful for, but rather an orientation toward life that sprouts from this that is important. The former can help cultivate the spirit, but should never be used to guilt or attack yourself if you aren’t keeping the practice.

Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy New Year

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Happy New Year
Happy 2022!

Happy New Year.

We are only a few wee hours into 2022 — does it feel like a new page for you? Of course there is always the annual stress that occurs post-Christmas to think about the past year and find some things to renew and resolve for the new one. Funny, does one evening and the flip of a day really carry that much on its shoulders? It strikes me that the calendar day/year is set up like this and then we follow suit. How to unwind?

I was reading an article the other day about how the Gen Z and Millenial generations are no longer waiting for the magic of January 1 to begin anew, but beginning wherever and whatever day they are on. As I read the article, this was not a new concept in the least, but perhaps it is so much more a “here and now” society the idea of waiting on anything — even a new year to begin — seems like a waste.

I am not sure if you make resolutions. I am now hearing people call them intentions these days. Resolutions, Intentions — it all seems to me to be a moment of actual reflection and a place to build a bridge between the old and the new. Why do we want to slam the door so hard on the old and seek to wash our hands of our “bad” habits or those things that were less than what we wanted for ourselves. We all know that by the end of January everything that is new is yet old again.

I recommend recognizing this and building a bridge. It’s often a wonderful thing to take stock of all the good that the old year held for us — what are we proud of, what was a highlight, what motivated us to do better, what did we learn, how did we express our curiosity? From there, how would it look to have more of that and what else? Can any of these things build bridges to other habits and moments. So, it is no longer a frame of throwing it all out and beginning anew with perfection in mind, but building on what has been to what we want to continue, to discard, to build upon.

Life is not a linear line. It builds on itself and even as we awaken into this new year, we are made up of all the events, happenings, and how we brought our self to it all over all of the old years. Bringing these parts of ourselves into the new — honoring, being with, and companioning all the parts feels so important.

I wish for you a bridge between the old and the new. May it light your days for all the new ones to come based on all of the days and years that have come before.

Here’s to it!

Happy Halloween

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Happy Halloween
Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to You!

This week marks the epitome of the season. You may find yourself walking through your neighborhood and seeing ghosts, witches, carved pumpkins and more as you wander. Tis the season for Halloween spooks and haunts to come out and play.

Do you get into Halloween? For me, it is a time to don my creativity hat and deck out my home from head to toe with seasonal decorations. And I do mean head to toe. For the past 16 years, I have been collecting seasonal decorations for Halloween and, after all of these years, it is a main event to decorate the Treehouse. Bins full of all sorts of decorations are revealed year after year.

At this point some of these items feel like “old friends.” One of my earliest pieces is a small crow with a purple ribbon around his neck. Each year that I meet him again feels like meeting an old part of myself that used to live in an old apartment with just a little space for something special like Mr. Crow. So, in opening the bins and seeing and touching my decorations is almost like touching parts of myself that are from long ago, but also in my present. I love this.

Creativity, one’s history, and then the spirit of fun all come into play during this spooky Halloween season. Each year, I add some new pieces as well. Inevitably, I donate some pieces that no longer seem to suit and replace them with others that appeal to my eye. At the end of this decorating bonanza, I am literally living in a transformed space which underlies the change of seasons and my own changes within as I ready for the dark days of late Autumn and winter. Even though it is difficult to lose the natural daylight, it is also fun to light up Halloween flames that provide a different light to the home and my days.

I am not sure how you may be celebrating Halloween, but if you celebrate I hope you have a pumpkin to carve or an old friend like my Mr. Crow to sit in a special place in your home or have time to enjoy a walk to see how others may be keeping the spirit of the season. Soon the calendar turns to November — the season of Thanksgiving and gratitude. For now, let’s celebrate the spookiness!

Happy New Year

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Happy New Year

Happy New Year! How did it feel for you to turn the calendar from 2020 to 2021?

Most people I know felt a whole lot of relief and happiness as they saw the end of 2020 – a year that was full if unexpected challenged from public health to job insecurity to financial hardship to isolation and more. Even worse? It was all unexpected — a complete shock to ourselves as things unfolded and then dragged on and on — still actually dragging.

However, there was hope in turning the calendar a few days ago. We did end 2020 with seeing our healthcare workers getting vaccinated. Wow! Our US healthcare system may soon be completely secured from the pandemic. That is definitely hopeful — and we all know that we will have out turn sometime in the New Year.

With the vaccine there is also the hope that our lives will resume to normality — but I am left to wonder will it be a new normal? The pandemic has gone on long enough that people are making new habits, living their lives along different rhythms, and orientating meaning in a different way. Dare I say it almost feels like a return to olden day ways. We are at home most of the time, cooking our own food, spending time with our family constantly – not just quality time – discerning who we really want to share time with via Zoom, engaging with our children on a deeper level, and more. Life has shifted and it’s not all been bad — the break from our break-neck, fast-paced lives has provided us with a different way to live our lives.

How often do we get such a reset in our modern day?

Having had the reset, what will you keep and what will you discard when we are all vaccinated and life is ready to return to “normal?”

As we enter 2021, I am hoping a new normal takes hold that honors the best of who we found ourselves to be in 2020 under extraordinary circumstances and also allows us to bring these parts of ourselves to our lives as we resume normality.

Here’s to it!

A Writing Break

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A Writing Break
I Took A Writing Break

I am a therapist. And I am also a writer. Are there two different professional paths that you embody? For me, my work is about seeing my patients as well as writing on a fairly continual basis. It may be a screenplay, a non-fiction book, or this blog — but I write and always have. Somebody once said to me, “If you write, you’re a writer. Own it.”

Why is it so different to own something like writing?

In any case, this Autumn I found myself without the impetus to write. My motivation sort of up and left in what seemed like a mere instant. Perhaps it was my own election stress, perhaps being caught up in home projects, or perhaps even the change of seasons. Not sure what happened, but I did not want to write — not even this blog.

I don’t know about you, but when I have something like a blog to write that I have committed to write on a daily basis, I tend to “feel bad” if I don’t meet my own expectations. However, when my motivation to write vanished, I let go. I decided that it was “OK” to not write and to be curious when my desire to write would alight upon me.

How refreshing to not put myself through the ringer for not doing something that I felt I should be doing. I allowed for there to be a pause in my writing on this blog and other projects as well. I just let it be. The longer I let it be, the happier I became with my decision to not write, to not do, and to simply be with this.

And then my writing impetus began to return. Not sure if it is a daily thing, a weekly thing or a monthly thing or if I will switch it up between all three. I am not sure at all. What I am sure of is how awesome it feels to let go of an item on the old “to do” list when it is really not something you want to do. Freedom!

Are you feeling this way as the holiday season kicks in? Is there something you think you should be doing — professionally or personally — that you have no interest in doing? Perhaps the greatest gift you could give to yourself this season is the gift of not doing without guilt or care. Trusting it will return — or not. But whatever the outcome, there is something to become curious about yourself and learn from.

For now, I hope to be back to at least semi-regular posting. After all, I am a writer, even if one who takes breaks.

Celebrations At Home

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Celebrations at Home
Celebrating at Home?

As life continues at home for most of us, life and all of its celebrations have not stopped. Birthdays and anniversaries are always in full swing throughout the year — these special personal days come along no matter what is going on in the world. Given the pandemic times we are in, many people are not going to have the celebration they were expecting this year.

As I am a planner, I always have something good planned for my friends, family and myself as their and my special days rolls around. Oh my goodness, all of those plans have been taken off the table in no uncertain terms. As I realized this as the weeks marched toward these special dates, I had to take some time to feel this disappointment of not being able to enjoy the plans that I had carefully made to delight my loved ones. Instead of brushing it off, I faced my sadness over the loss of my special plans for this year. Being able to sit with my sad feelings for some time allowed me to take the next step.

To make the most of what I could do to celebrate. For Birthdays, I could send cards or flowers, I could call, I could order a Birthday cake, hey how about take-out since it’s so special these days to not cook, find a movie and watch it together, take a walk with the loved one I live with, and, most importantly, be present to the person.

Everything wasn’t exactly how I thought it would go, but letting go of my expectations allowed me to be in the moment and see what unfolded that was new and different. Although these were not the celebrations I had planned, being present to the celebrations that unfolded was not only interesting, but fun.

If you are going to be having some celebrations at home soon, here are my top tips:

  1. Give yourself time to process, grieve, and let go of what you may have planned and were looking forward to.
  2. Make the most of what you can do — baking a homemade cake, buying a card at the grocery store, setting up a Zoom party, taking a walk, ordering takeout, and anything else that you may have around your home to celebrate – i.e. bang pots and pans.
  3. Be open to what unfolds without expectations — the unexpected phone call or card in the mail perhaps.
  4. Relax.
  5. Be in the moment. This is most certainly a unique one.

Whatever you do, indeed mark the celebrations at home. It is important to make a big deal of our loved ones and special events. Even though we are all at home, this is not a year to “pass,” but rather to have a celebration that you will remember when you think back to these pandemic times.

Creativity Burst: Confetti Sprinkles

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Confetti Sprinkles

Given tonight is New Years Eve, confetti may be in your immediate future. You know those fun, colorful small pieces of paper that can sprinkle us with delight and also become the bane of of our existence when, two weeks later, we are still finding bits and pieces to clean up!

Still, confetti can lead to a burst of creativity and not only on a special celebratory night like New Year’s Eve. Perhaps its the color, perhaps its the tiny little bits of paper, perhaps its the way it bursts in the air for a moment and then falls to the ground, perhaps its the surprise when you aren’t expecting a confetti shower.

Whatever it may be, having a little jar of confetti on your desk or somewhere that you can easily access can add a delight and pleasure in your day to wake one up out of a mid-afternoon stupor, find a smile, give some fun to someone, etc. all for very little effort.

Perhaps on this New Year’s Day you engage in this little creative project. Find the old tissue paper and holiday gift wrap that you are just about ready to put away for another season and cut the paper up into confetti. From there, put them into a little dish or some other container. Place it somewhere that you can easily find.

Tonight, of course, you can sprinkle confetti to celebrate the New Year.

But how about sprinkling the confetti on a rather glum, ordinary day in January or any other mundane day that is sure to be found in the New Year?

See how it lands when you do so – a creativity burst, a smile, a frown for what now has to be cleaned up? Where does your confetti sprinkle take you?

Dear Therapist: New Year Resolutions

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Dear Therapist,

It’s that time of year! What do you think about New Year Resolutions? Should I make some or let it go for 2020?

Ah! Yes, a new year is about to dawn as is a whole new decade.

That means the pressure is on to resolve something for all of these new days to come. However, there is much evidence year in and year out that three weeks into the new year, the resolutions have been broken and we’re up to our old ways again.

Oh well, we gave it the good college try! But it does beg the question, should we even bother? Isn’t this just something else artificial that we lay upon ourselves to feel bad about in the not too distant future?

Through that lens, I would say let it go. Do not officially make any New Year resolutions.

At the same time, if there is something you want to resolve to do, be, take action on, etc. do it now whenever “now” arises. Do not put off change to some designated day in a given year.

Start now and make the commitment to yourself for you not because it is some season to do so. I think then and there we have a better chance of reaching our goals.

Whether or not to mark January 1 with a resolution, well that is entirely up to you. Only thing, if you do and you don’t stick to it, let it go and don’t worry about it. The effort is what counts.

Start the new year resolving to go gentle with yourself!