It is the time for parties and it most certainly is the height of the season today. Everyone seems to be making merry with friends and family during this important season of parties. For many, they will have received many invitations and feel included in these types of festivities.
My question? What about the rest of us?
It almost feels shameful at this time of year to admit you were not invited to one holiday party. I write from experience. The other day I mentioned to my husband that we had not been invited to any parties this season — even his work party was delayed until January. The reason? To accommodate everyone’s busy party schedule. Bah humbug! What party schedule I thought.
During this happy season, with no party invitations in hand it is easy to feel excluded, even isolated. Remember when Charlie Brown heads to his post box and opens it to find no Christmas cards in there. Yeah, that feeling captures it really well. I think that is why many of us love this old Christmas classic. The truth is many of us don’t even receive cards, let alone party invitations.
Well, what to do? We could become like another infamous character on a Christmas TV special, the Grinch, and become hard-hearted and stingy with our love given we had none given to us. OR, we can still embrace the other with a warm heart and give. That’s right meet nothing with an open and truthful heart.
You may even want to let the shame you feel go by telling people how you feel — Charlie Brown does exactly that and what do you know? He is cast as the Director of the Christmas pageant. Not too shabby. Letting someone know how you are feeling can lead to people including you, which is what we want deep down. To belong.
However, how dare any of us ask for this base need to be filled? Shouldn’t everyone already know that they need to include you? How bad you are feeling? How sad and ashamed? Why won’t someone alleviate the pain?
So true — the desire for the other, whether they be our family or friends – to read our minds and give us what we so desperately want – to be included. Sometimes we have to just say what we need and open ourselves up to what we receive in return. Sometimes we have to make peace with the fact that the invitation we desperately wanted will not be coming this year. Sometimes we have to be the ones to open up and include all the others who have no one else including them. I have been in all three positions.
The one that feels the best is living out my truth and accepting what is. Perhaps when faced with no invitations that is the greatest gift we can give ourselves – acceptance.
Remember, there is always the perfect party for one waiting to be planned.